2 things I didn’t expect to feel at Graduation
Hello! Sorry for the lack of updates but the past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind. Family was over for graduation and I made a last minute decision to come home to visit family. I even failed to do Turbofire regularly . Will start getting back into it tonight!
Right so graduation. To be honest, I am not the most empathetic or emotionally attuned person. So when big events happen I do not have a glowing perception as to how it will pan out. My biggest worry was falling over. Me doing the ceremony was more for my parents than it was for me. I was thinking of abandoning the ceremony all together but looking back, I am glad I went through with it.
There were so many thoughts that ran through my head that day and the days following. I must admit, I kinda buried it somewhere after the day but we received our portrait photos today. It made me recall those thoughts so I decided to pen them down before I bury them yet again.
This was the ceremony set up on the day as taken by my parents. It was pretty cool, we had a procession and everything. But while waiting for the procession to start, I looked around and it dawned on me that this was it. This was the end. Once the bagpipes start sounding and we starting walking, I was walking away from a life that I knew for 6 years. Up to this point, I had been in some sort of denial that my life is now changed. I feared what would come next. But seeing everyone around me that day, doing the same thing I was doing with some voicing feelings that echoed mine, told me that everything would be alright. I was not the only one that was scared but I could not let it consume me. I had to close that door and open a new one.
So as the bagpipes started sounding, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. When I opened them and started walking, I felt excited, curious and nervous. Every step I took was one step closer to the unknown but it didn’t scare me anymore. Attending the ceremony was a tangible event that needed to happen for me to have the closure I needed.
In conclusion, I am very glad I did not skip the ceremony.
When I was in line waiting for my name to be called to receive my degrees I suddenly felt very proud of myself and of my achievements. It has been a long journey of sweat and tears at times. But I had made it, I was on this stage about to receive my two degrees. And to have a whole audience share that achievement with you, it is feeling that I cannot describe.
When M was on stage receiving his degree, I felt very very proud. He worked (and still does) 2 jobs and studied towards a double degree too. Oh and he also had to deal with me when I was a nervous wreck. I clapped so enthusiastically that I dropped my own degrees on the floor.
While the rest of the ceremony went on I thought to myself that I am actually not just proud of our achievements but of us as a couple. We battled through tough times together. Late night study and countless hours memorizing case law. Heck, we sometimes didn’t go on dates or had down time thanks to study. So graduating was not just nod to our academic achievement but a nod to our relationship. If he could deal with me then and the hardship we had to go through, I know that we will be ok in the future.
And that concludes the 2 things that I didn’t expect to feel. I knew that graduation would a be a happy occasion and that my family would be very proud of me. I just didn’t expect to feel the way I did considering I actually wanted to skip the ceremony.
Lesson of the day: Think twice before deciding to skip your graduation ceremony.